The Art of War by Sun Tzu is perhaps the most definitive work of military strategy and tactics ever written. Tucked within its 13 chapters, the Chinese General covers a range of topics for engaging an adversary, altering tactics, and achieving ultimate success. At the heart of his strategy the General truly believes supreme excellence is found in one’s ability to break your enemy’s resistance without fighting and in understanding that to know your enemy you must become your enemy.
Located within her iPad Kindle library, the mother possesses a copy of Sun Tzu’s Art of War oddly placed next to a copy of The Secret Garden. At one time, the mother fancied herself a rather well read individual, possessing an above average love for classic literature. During her maiden pregnancy, the mother set aside Shakespeare and Austin and picked up such riveting tales as Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr Marc Weissenbluth and the renowned and infamous classic, What to Expect When You Are Expecting. Like so many first time parents, the mother was sucked into the notion that if she read all the right books, she could take away all of the mystery, frustration, and insecurity surrounding motherhood…..this was not the case.
After having the boy, the mother quickly realized the error of her ways and came to discover that there was a great deal of science and strategy actually involved in the rearing of quality children and thusly her reading list took on a significantly different more enlightened bent, at which point Sun Tzu’s Art of War entered the picture. The mother has come to believe that in every new experience she might encounter with her children, there are significant odds that she will have to evoke at least three of the thirteen Sun Tzu’s stated strategies in order to deem the experience a success.
Today’s trip to the dentist would prove to be no exception to this rule.
The day started as any other, much too early in the mother’s opinion. Going in to retrieve the brunette from her bed, the mother notes quickly the brunette is demonstrating some rather spicy tendencies and that both her tone and demeanor are extremely contrary. The mother makes this mental note as she begins to lay the groundwork for the happenings of the morning, namely verbal preparation for the brunette’s first trip to the dentist.
“Rise and shine” the mother proclaims in an optimistic voice choosing to ignore entirely, the murky aura surrounding the brunette’s crib. “Do you know what we are going to do today??” The brunette simply blinks, clinging to her beloved stuffed elephant that the family has rather lazily named Mr. Elephant. Receiving no reply from the brunette, the mother simply answers her own question, “you… and your brother are going to go to the dentist.” Despite the cheery delivery, the brunette does not seem convinced this dentist situation sounds like her idea of good time and simply frowns.
The mother pauses and ponders….. what would Sun Tzu do…..strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory and tactics without strategy is the path to defeat.
En route to the dentist, the mother has determined medical professionals of all fields really should take note from the pediatric dentist playbook. The magical land of wonderment that they have created called a waiting room, truly is unmatched. The experience starts with a giant tree house, books and videos games. In addition, unlike many other professions, they are always on time for their appointments and the level of enthusiasm demonstrated by the hygienists from the moment they greet you in the waiting room to when they distribute the patients parting gifts at the end, is nothing short of impressive and dare I say contagious. In spite of all this excellent stage setting, the brunette is highly suspicious of her surroundings.
The mother, notes any strides she and the boy may have potentially made at breakfast and during the car ride to promote the positives of this appointment, have virtually been deleted from the brunette’s short term memory cache by the immediate clenching of the brunettes body posture as they cross the threshold of the dentists office. The mother realizes quickly her tactics are going to have to shift with some real-time modifications in order to survive the next 45 minutes with minimal casualty.
The mother pauses and ponders….. what would Sun Tzu do…supreme excellence consists of breaking the adversary’s resistance without fighting.
Entering the cleaning arena, the boy takes his seat. A veteran of the dental cleaning experience, the boy hops fearlessly into the chair informing the hygienist that he faithfully brushes his teeth twice a day and knows how to use mouthwash. The hygienist responds with the appropriate level of enthusiasm for such a declaration, high fiving the boy. The boy smiles and then quickly looks down to his lap, as if now suddenly embarrassed by the affirmation and praise. The boy appears at ease and confident in the steps to follow, verbalizing…. before even offered to him, bubble gum as his tooth cleaning flavor choice and melon as his preferred selection for his “tooth vitamins.”
Humorously a few weeks prior, the boy informed the mother very matter of factly over his morning bowl of honey nut cheerios, that when he grew up he in fact wanted to become a dentist. The mother smiled at that time thinking this profession might indeed aptly suit the boy and is amused he would choose a career path involving such a high female to male work place ratio……thinking quite conveniently how his own estrogen heavy world is in fact preparing him nicely for such a job.
Just then, the brunette’s name is called and she is ushered back to her chair. The mother, feeling as if the boy is locked and loaded for success, escorts the brunette two bays down.
Upon their approach toward the purple chair, the brunettes body tenses once again. The mother wished they had been able to observe the boy a little longer as a means to demonstrate to the brunette that there was nothing circumspect about to take place. The mother cannot help herself, but silently mumbles, “we’re walking the mile, the green mile,” (1999 Tom Hanks film reference) as they approach the chair.
The mother throws caution to the wind and attempts to place the brunette directly into the purple chair. Not unlike a rabid koala bear the brunette clings to the mother with a level of strength unnatural in one so small. The mother is actually able to fully release her hands from the toddler and much like the magic possessed only in Velcro…and apparently anxiety ridden toddlers…… the brunette is able to cling unassisted to the mother’s torso. (The mother makes a note to decrease the brunette green vegetable intake as this much surely is the root of her brute levels of strength.)
“So this is our first time?” the hygienist astutely states. The mother nods her head and smiles a half annoyed, half apologetic smile. Before the mother can speak, the hygienist quickly shouts, “we’ve got a knee to knee!!” The mother, confused and taken a little aback, turns to see a second hygienist sprinting towards them with a large pillow. Initially the mother questions if this might not be a child muffling device much like one’s seat cushion on an airplane…..oh wait that’s a flotation device…disregard that parallel.
The mother ponders what would Sun Tzu do…..the greatest secret of success lies in confusing the enemy, so that they cannot fathom your real intent.
The hygienist has the mother take a seat and places the brunette on her lap facing the mother. Legs wrapped tightly around the mothers body, they lay the brunette back onto the pillow now placed strategically in the hygienist’s lap. The mother and the hygienist are “knee to knee” hence the aptly named tactical strategy. They work with speed, all the while the mother is using what can again only be described as a level of wrestling strength mastered by those in the Ultimate Fighting area in order to hold the brunette still.
Based on the heightening level of panic coupled by the intense strength demonstrated by the child in that moment, the mother is fairly sure the brunette thinks she might be in an underground organ harvesting clinic where she is being held against her will and tortured for the acquisition of her spleen. The mother is quite certain; no other scenario explains the current level of her resistance.
The cleaning portion is quickly completed and the brunette is once again sitting upright on the mother’s lap, her chest rising and falling in a decreasing panic attack-esque state. The mother all the while has remained unphased by the steps necessary to achieve this cleaning and in truth feels worse for the hygienist.
Instantly the dentist appears. “Well hello,” she says, “I see this is someone’s first time.” The mother again wants to make a sarcastic response like, “really, what gave us away?” but instead decides, much like a method actor, not to break character. The mother has determined in spite of the brunettes interpretation of events she has elected to not allow the child to control the emotional status of the situation, and will remain calm and collected.
Once again the mother and doctor lean the brunette back onto the pillow, and the same level of panic and clawing ensue as before. This time however, the doctor begins to sing, “one two buckle my shoe, three four shut the door….” The mother herself is caught of guard…. and as if in a moment of solidarity, the brunettes left eye brow raises, she pauses from her protest and looks at the mother as if to say…..”are you hearing what I’m hearing?”
It’s not an every day occurrence to be serenaded by 1800’s nursery rhymes but the brunette appears to calm, entering a hypnotic state. (The mother makes note to dust of her nursery ryhmn collection and tuck a few selections, such as “Here we go round the Mulberry Bush”, “Jack and Jill”, and “Ring Around the Rosie” off for future personal use. Because honestly what doesn’t tug at the heart strings and calm a child like tales of a shrub in a Scandinavian female prison yard, children falling to their death while fetching water, and the most delightful of tales the falling of cremated ashes from the sky during England’s Black Death.) The mother however cannot argue with the effectiveness of the technique and no sooner than the mother returns from her momentary daydream tangent, than the dentist replies, “all done…everything looks great and might I say mom….you were a champion of calm.” The mother smiles knowing that in spite of loosing part of the emotional battle she feels confident she has won the war.
As if by magic, the hygienist appears holding a balloon literally twice the size of the brunette and the child who had not been without a skeptical scowl the entire hour since leaving the house, turns in the direction of the hot pink balloon. Her tears stop. Her body relaxes. Her hand reaches for the string. She begins to smile a heart-melting smile. “Balloon!” she proclaims reaching out for her parting gift. The mother wonders if balloons and their calming powers ought not to have been part of the entire cleaning process but that is a debate for another day.
The boy and the brunette both receive excellent bills of dental health and schedule an appointment for another 6 months.
The mother, the boy and the brunette ride home in relative silence. The mother looks back in the rear view mirror to find the brunette gazing at her balloon. The brunette sighs as if she has just endured a traumatic experience. The mother hopes Sun Tzu wont be a necessary component in surviving the brunette’s second dental cleaning. The mothers eyes then dart to the far back of the van only to see the boy unraveling the entire box of dental floss from this goodies bag (the mother makes a mental note to talk at a later point to the boy about the concept of unnecessary waste).
The motherhood in Technicolor memos: Parenting is not a democracy…its an oligarchy and as a parent your job is to lead by example and in times of great uncertainly possess an extra measure of patience. Knowing that doing what is best is not always desirable but often times essential and being mindful as Sun Tzu would say….without venture there is no victory.
Summer Smith is a speaker, writer, and motherhood blogger. She and her family are currently navigating the suburbs of Northern Virginia. As the mother to four young children, Summer maintains her sanity thanks to her sense of humor, copious amounts of coffee, and Amazon Prime. Maya Angelou once said, when reflecting on her childhood, that her mother left an impression like technicolor stars in the midnight sky. Influenced by these words, Summer blogs at her website Motherhood in Technicolor, and can also be found on her Motherhood in Technicolor Facebook page.